If all you are is skin and veins,
just hanging off a boney frame,
take this advice and add a pound or two.

When you want to get mass back,
you just have to eat a yak.
Shoot his head 'til he's dead, then chew his fat.

If you'd like a glorious feat,
kill a duck and cook it's meat.
Skin his back, boil in oil, then just eat.

When it's time for a light snack,
down a thousand grams of fat.
If your feces are not greasy, send them back.

If your vegetables come boiled,
you must dress them in thick oil.
Avocadoes are still tasty once they've spoiled.

If it isn't soaked in grease,
you simply will not grow obese.
Add a spoonful of hot ghee, and dress in cheese.

When you feel you're done your dish,
fry an extra round of fish.
Eat your meat highly greased, if you wish.

You have not stuffed your face,
when there's somthing left to taste.
If your mates can't clear their plates, don't let it waste.

When desert is on your mind,
buy exquisite peanut pie.
Consume the richest dish that you can find.

But if all they've got is trifle,
purchase heaps, until you're all full.
Though don't eat proceeding meat, or you'll feel awful.

And if that doesn't do the trick,
have another, till you're sick.
Lick your fork, face and plate, get every bit.

Remember, walking will not do,
or you will need to eat more food.
Relax, don't leave your seat, and watch the tube.

If your popcorn isn't wet,
you do not have to fret.
Calmly dress a buttery mess, and then you're set.

But the night is far too long,
you simply cannot fast till dawn.
Wake to take what has been baked, until it's gone.

If this does not make you heavy,
quit your job and drive a semi.
Invest your dough in rolls, spend every penny.

Once you feel you're full of fat,
ask your waiter for the tab.
Pay it off, get it back, then eat that.