MYSTICISM • batcave, 1.5 hits of lsd-25 • 2002.02.17
Waves of color poured over my visual field, trailing intricate moire patterns through texture of the carpet.
With an intense urge to bury my face into somthing, I jumped into bed, and pulled a toque over my eyes. Face first in the pillow, the kaleidoscopes emerging from my mind were fabulous, as I lay in various self-fullfilling yoga postures.
Summoning the serpants of kundalini was effortless. Holding the serpent power balanced throughout the chakras for much longer than usually possible, I basked in carnal satisfaction. Root charka beaming, my hips flexed repeatedly, as I thrust my pelvis into the air, basking in the carnal illusions of existance, feeling my own body with my own body and realizing it's complex structure.
Fifty trillion cells collaborating according to the laws set out by their shared DNA, a digital spiralling medium spontaneously emerging from the primordial structure of all manifestation.
Rushing through every cell in the nervous system, electricity overwhelmed my senses, giving way to the clear void light. I could hear the light, see the sound. All senses blurred into one sense of wholistic experience, pure awareness projecting through the biological organism in one smooth om.
All sense of subjectivity disappeared, as I became one with the light. All people, all perceptions, one in this space. What seemed like an eternity later, probably only a few seconds, I returned to my mind, standing face to face with the shadow I had been blind to all my life.
Staring me down with wrathful images of hateful projections and unrealized ignorance, I observed the contents of my psyche objectively, giving rise to unexplainable realizations, forcing me to reorganize the structure of my thought patterns as to safguard dangerous projections from appearing in others. This was the first step to crucify the echos of negative karma I had been tracing throughout my world.
Through this and deeper still, there seemed no bottom to the spiral. What sounded like cells, wippee, ayeah, woohoo, arwooooooo, sounds danced upon my ears. Strikingly familiar, and lucidly real, these gleeful sounds of what I could only guess were cells partying in my eardrums, sung for me. Played inside of me... were one with me, at a lower level manifesting my consciousness. I must somhow go down and meet them. What am I talking about? I am them.
In a long struggle to prying hard with the full force of my mind, my third eye opened in the shape of an inverted circle, as I gazed through the shadows, and into a fractalling mind lattice. Infinity was suddenly comprehensible. I was the center of myself, from which perspecitve I gazed upon layers and layers of naturally evolving systems interacting with one another on a waving plane. Infinity ran through the center, it's straight line an illusion only manifesting in my awareness. I was one of these systems, and one with them, feeling fantastically priviledged to gaze upon this maddening sight of indescribible beauty and boundless knowledge distilled into a few perceptions, in this increidble vision dawning.
Dropping back into myself, through myself, here opened my mind into an incredibly lucid dreamlike state, in which I suddenly decided to smash my mind into a trillion pieces. With all the wrath of a strong blow to the head, I surrendered all coherency and embraced a violent explosion in my mind, as every thought, every idea, every concept and theory, every primordial foundation of my human mind dispated in a tremendous explosion, disolving all sense of individuality into a trillion pieces in which I did not exist, falling backwards through the dark.
Suddenly nothing made sense, there was no coherency to anything, nothing seemed real and I was very small. No form recognizable, unconsciousness was the law. Slowly I clung to others, becoming them, clinging to more, becoming them as well. Every two becoming one, transcending and including the contents of eachother, repeatedly, fractalling back together, growing in complexity. From the atomic consiousness, minerality arose, upon which cells emerged. Perceptions bound into thoughts, bound into ideas, concepts, binding into theories, I experienced first hand the evolution of the mind as it was reborn back into what was recognizable as human consciousness.
Before this there was no concept of the structure of the mind and how it could have evolved, yet now I was left with what I felt to be a direct experience of the process of evolution of the mind.
Incredible, I had to do it agian.
Ka BOOM. again, confusion gave way to cellular patterns, as raw archetypal perceptions, residual foundation of the mental structure, left their impression upon my visual field of awareness, spiraling up and down into infinity. Ancient images of evolutionary struggle, all of eternity seemed to pass at every level, as I experienced every step of it's unfolding up to the present moment. All my thought patterns aligned into a strikingly new state of cognition, imbued with the realization of it's own struture in it's most primordial manifestation.
Ka BOOM Again, this was too good to pass up. I must take advantage of this lucidity.
At least 9 times I exploded my mind into infinite pieces, each time experincing each piece bind back together in fractalling patterns, back to a coherent state of awarness that I could recognize as 'human'.
After 3 hours of this intense tripping, my mind began to tire, and I grew satisfied with the experience. Lifting the rim of my touque, I noticed the walls were still melting with visual hallucinations. I better go back inside.
Feeling the edge of the wall with billions of nerve cells in my hand, I experimented with my concept of physics in this new world. Feeling everything at every engle and pressure with incredible facination, I clung to the the edge of my matress, and pulled it up against my feet, and riding it like a surf board. Understanding perfectly the mindstate of a surfer, balancing upon the eternal wave of manifestation, I declared with diligent love to the living forces of nature: "Cowabunga mang... let's ride on."
I'll be right here for ever, ever and ever, through the eternal moment, until infinity's past, and then keep riding beyond.
Back into this striking dreamstate of lucid awareness, my mind played upon itself and danced with infinity, for as long as what I experinced as eternal. Every question I could ask myself, nomatter how deep, had an accessible answer. Everything about my being seemed comprehensible.
For there is nothing to be but myself. My deepest essence is the most unmanifest source of awareness, clear light. Born into this and bound to my body, with the threat of death looms to imbalance my being at any moment as a message to live. My awareness bound and limited to the biological entity from which it arose, as this is all it can perceive with the gross thickness I've cultivated. All worlds arise parrellel in this eternal space.
The purpose of which is completely self-fullfilling. I am whatever I wish to be. Can go whereever I want to, play whatever games I create. All it takes is time to manifest, and we've plenty of that... infinite quanities of that. Time is an unmanifest illusion which we choose to hallucinate.
All you can do is your best at whatever level you find yourself. There is nothing else to do.. nothing else to be.
Why, we ask? Isn't this magnificent?
What, we ask? What else could there be? This is the product of billions of years of evolution... infinity for all we know, evolving systems balanced on evolving systems balanced on higher yet, evolving systems up into infinity, interacting with other systems balanced on the same level, victim to the forces of higher levels, but relient on them for their own existance, balancing.
Experiencing first very fast vibrational frequencies, eventually transcending to control those functions unconsciously, reborn into higher entities balacing upon these as thir root, in vibrating slightly slower, with more transcendual powers of cognition. As more functions are mastered, they are rendered unconscious, yet still accessible by the conscious mind.
Sensitive to the most minute vibrations on the surface of the earth, I sensed as the dogs did, knew when they were about to bark, howled along with them. One with the earth, I could feel it groaning within me. Moaning through me. Vibrating below me. Shuddering subtley.
With blood cells in the eardrums singing my eternal name, I awoke laying on my low laying bed. Mind exhasted, and being satisfied... it is time to meditate.